Dear Self Declared Grammar Nazis,
Your unprovoked aggression struck when I used a preposition incorrectly. You quickly and efficiently corrected my mistake, but you sensed my displeasure. “Oh, sorry," you said, "I’m a grammar Nazi.”
Really? You, the nearly 30 year old woman in a One Direction t-shirt (a Nationalist slogan in its own right), are a Nazi? Was your correction apart of your pogrom against prepositions? When was the last time you interned a noun or discriminated against the dative? Have you ever done something grammatically that others could reasonably refer to as a Blitzkrieg?
Your unprovoked aggression struck when I used a preposition incorrectly. You quickly and efficiently corrected my mistake, but you sensed my displeasure. “Oh, sorry," you said, "I’m a grammar Nazi.”
Really? You, the nearly 30 year old woman in a One Direction t-shirt (a Nationalist slogan in its own right), are a Nazi? Was your correction apart of your pogrom against prepositions? When was the last time you interned a noun or discriminated against the dative? Have you ever done something grammatically that others could reasonably refer to as a Blitzkrieg?
Apparently during your monkish years as an English Lit major, you missed some things. Briefly: 1. The Nazis were and remain bad people; and 2. At best, they were only modestly concerned with grammar.
I just don’t get how enforcing strict, grammatical rules puts you on the same level as the 20th century’s greatest monsters. Other rule enforcers, professional or not, don’t make this same mistake. Rigorous principals don’t self-identify as Himmler the Headmaster, strict baseball officials aren’t nicknamed the Ustaša Ump, and rule abiding anglers don’t go around calling themselves der Fishing Führer. All for good reason: none of the rules that they enforce have anything to do with committing crimes against humanity.
To better understand, here are a few questions to help you decide if this self-imposed title is an accurate portrayal of your grammatical ideology:
If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you are not a Nazi of any variety.
I understand that your struggle revolves around grammar, and I don’t expect you to divest completely from your personal narrative, so here are some alternatives you are free to use: the Grammar Generalissimo, the Regulator of the Reflexive, or the Judge Dredd of Demonstrative Prepositions. Any of these options offer the ferocity that you seek, and they avoid drawing parallels to race hate. It's win-win.
No matter what title you choose (and feel free to vary their use), remember that while your Luger is trained on all of your friend’s grammatical mistakes words actually mean something.
You know there are real Nazis, right?
Sincerely,
Jason Tashea
I just don’t get how enforcing strict, grammatical rules puts you on the same level as the 20th century’s greatest monsters. Other rule enforcers, professional or not, don’t make this same mistake. Rigorous principals don’t self-identify as Himmler the Headmaster, strict baseball officials aren’t nicknamed the Ustaša Ump, and rule abiding anglers don’t go around calling themselves der Fishing Führer. All for good reason: none of the rules that they enforce have anything to do with committing crimes against humanity.
To better understand, here are a few questions to help you decide if this self-imposed title is an accurate portrayal of your grammatical ideology:
- Are your doctrinal textbooks banned in France or Germany?
- Do you think that the International Criminal Court has subject matter jurisdiction over crimes against the conjunctive?
- Have you ever corrected someone’s grammar on account of their skull shape?
If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you are not a Nazi of any variety.
I understand that your struggle revolves around grammar, and I don’t expect you to divest completely from your personal narrative, so here are some alternatives you are free to use: the Grammar Generalissimo, the Regulator of the Reflexive, or the Judge Dredd of Demonstrative Prepositions. Any of these options offer the ferocity that you seek, and they avoid drawing parallels to race hate. It's win-win.
No matter what title you choose (and feel free to vary their use), remember that while your Luger is trained on all of your friend’s grammatical mistakes words actually mean something.
You know there are real Nazis, right?
Sincerely,
Jason Tashea
